America’s 250th birthday celebration is locked and loaded — and if you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a county fair and a casino brunch buffet collided on the National Mall, Donald Trump’s Freedom 250 has your answer.
Organizers spearheading the country’s semiquincentennial festivities announced the lineup today (May 27) for its sprawling Great American State Fair, set to run June 25-July 10 in Washington, D.C., alongside the broader America 250 celebrations. And while organizers promised a roster “bringing the hits,” they perhaps neglected to specify which century those hits would be arriving from.
Gamely leading the charge into America’s next 250 years: perpetual butt of white rapper jokes Vanilla Ice, disgraced lip-sync kings Milli Vanilli, Young MC, C+C Music Factory, Morris Day & the Time, Poison’s Bret Michaels, Martina McBride, the sans-Lionel Richie Commodores and Flo Rida. Both Milli Vanilli and C+C Music Factory now perform with only one original member. Later today, Day took to social media to announce that “contrary to rumor,” he and the Time would not be on hand after all.
To be fair, there’s something oddly moving about a national birthday party where “Ice Ice Baby,” “Everybody Dance Now” and “Girl You Know It’s True” are all apparently considered foundational American texts.
Freedom 250 describes itself as the “official public-private partnership” coordinating the nation’s anniversary celebration in conjunction with the White House Task Force 250, federal agencies and the U.S. Semiquincentennial Commission. The organization says its mission is to “honor our Nation’s proud history, cherish our God-given freedoms, and build the Golden Age of Opportunity for the next 250 years.”
Apparently that Golden Age begins with a Bret Michaels afternoon set somewhere between the funnel cake tent and the military flyover…
The broader celebration will also include a Memorial Day parade, Sail4th 250, Patriot Games and a July 4 Salute to America”event on the National Mall. According to organizers, the fair itself aims to bring together all 50 states with exhibits, food and entertainment.
